I have been lying awake for over an hour, and it finally occurred to me that I could drink something strong to help get my brain to stop thinking. I went to the cabinet and discovered that someone has locked up every bottle of alcohol in the house, and didn't tell anybody where the key is. We've had a number of people come help us move furniture out and clean the house recently, so I know that someone outside of the family found the key and took it upon themselves to do this.
It reminds me of a story my dad told me a number of years ago regarding a friend or relative that came to visit when he and mom were first married. She happened to discover a bottle of very, very expensive wine that he had been given as present...and proceeded to dump the entire bottle down the sink while he was out of the room. Needless to say, Dad was absolutely livid when - after having acted in guilty secret - the person came to him and self-righteously announced what she had done.
Teetotalers that foist their personal beliefs on others suck.
UPDATE - Fixed the final sentence to more accurately reflect what I meant.
UPDATE - Oh, and it turns out that my brothers locked up the alcohol as a joke, thinking I would notice immediately. In actuality it took so long for me to notice that they were both out-of-state and had forgotten about it entirely!